Objective: To help two sets of friends move over a two-day period.
Method: Using dolly, truck, arms and manliness to move furniture and boxes.
Results: Initial boosting of ego on Day 1 and Day 2 was tragically burst at end of Day 2.
Day 1: Subject helps Friend A and her roommate move on Friday. Task is made easier because Friend A and roommate have already been moving things and are only moving up one floor in building. Subject displays usefulness by skillfully maneuvering boxes and boards on dolly. Subject helps Friend A put together bookshelf and sets up computer. Despite being mild physical labor, subject feels sense of accomplishment.
Results at end of day: despite only four hours of light physical labor, subject’s ego is suitably boosted. Subject leaves apartment feeling good about himself.
Day 2: Subject helps Friend B and his fiancé move across town on Saturday. Task is made complicated by fact that Friend B and fiancé haven’t finished packing. Subject decides to have a little bit of fun and volunteers to drive large U-Haul truck. Subject briefly wonders if he is trying to compensate for something, shakes head no, and then jumps in front seat.
Subject spends next nine hours driving truck all over town, engaging in heavy physical labor lifting sofas, bed frames, dressers and boxes. Subject is filled with great sense of accomplishment. Ego is heavily boosted, subject is the man! Before study can be finished Subject must drive Friend B back to pick up his vehicle. Subject talks friend up about “becoming a mover if this whole PR thing doesn’t work out” and even considers writing a blog about his moving prowess and mad truck driving skills.
Disaster. Subject is pulling into driveway to drop Friend B off. Subject takes turn too sharply and clips driver side taillight of Friend B’s Ford F-150. Clarification needed, Subject sheers cover of driver side taillight clean off. Subject’s ego and sense of importance deflates immediately. Subject filled with sense of horror.
Results at end of day: Subject owes $67 to Friend B for new taillight. Subject awaits merciless teasing at Friend B’s New Year’s Eve party.
Conclusion 1: If Subject couldn’t laugh at himself, Subject would go crazy.
Conclusion 2: Don’t ever let me, I mean Subject, near a U-Haul truck. Happy New Year ya’ll!