Thursday, January 11, 2007

“Across the River” aka Matt to Be Auctioned for Charity

Arlington, VA- In coordination with the women at No Sex and the City, “Across the River,” better known to friends as Matt, is to be auctioned off in The Not Girls Charity Auction. The auction benefits V-Day, a global movement to stop violence against women.

“If I weren’t dating Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, I’d be all over this like white on rice,” said Jessica Biel. “Not only is Matt creative, smart, funny, and sexy, he also writes an impressive quote. I mean look at this entire thing, it’s all made up, but with his knowledge of libel and parody there’s not a thing I can do. Now that’s hot.”

“You can’t seem them beneath the shades in that awful photo, but Matt’s eyes are like the color of the Potomac,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “Sometimes green, sometimes blue, gray or a murky brown with silt in them, you just have to gaze into his eyes in person to get the full effect. I’ve made it my agenda in the first 100 days of Congress to raise the minimum wage, pass stem cell research, end subsidies for oil companies, and get this man a date.”

The brainchild of the women of No Sex and the City, The Not Girls Charity Auction is an eBay style online auction running from January 11-13. For more information on V-Day and how you can help them end violence against women, please visit their Web site at


HomeImprovementNinja said...

I didn't get in on the auction thing. I was dating someone and she didn't have the curtesy to dump me before the deadline for entering the contest. Oh well. I doubt I would sell for more than a few bucks. Good luck.

Ar-Jew-Tino said...

Can I bid on you with pesos? You'll fetch more that way.

Pagan Marbury said...

homeimprovement... That's pretty damn funny (but I'm sorry you aren't in the auction)

Matt, good luck in the auction. I can't wait to read all about it.

Across The River said...

homeimprovementninja: Tell your ex that because she didn't have the courtesy to dump you in a timely manner that's she hurting a charity.

ar-jew-tino: Go for it, big numbers for the win.

pagan marbury: Thank you. I'll be sure to write about the date, even if it's with ar-jew-tino.