Wednesday, March 7, 2007

It must be something in the water

It seems like all my friends are either getting married, or are taking serious steps like moving in with their SO. All of this makes me officially feel like an adult. You would have thought that having a job, paying rent, and hearing Guns N’ Roses on a classic rock station would have made me realize that’s I’m no longer a kid, but nope, it’s been my friends getting engaged.

In college, marriage was always something my friends and I took bets on. “Which one of us will get hitched first?” we used to ask. We jokingly agreed that it would be one of our friends, we’ll call him “VABeach,” just because we could never see a player such as him settling down. Sure enough, I attended VABeach’s wedding back in October.

I’m not bothered though, in fact I’m pretty darn happy that my friends have found happiness. It does occasionally get on my nerves when it’s rubbed in my face, but you know what, I’ve got a new weapon. I’m going to start taking bets again. Haha, oh yes, my friends, you may say that you love your fiancé/wife/husband more than the moon and stars, but that doesn’t change the fact that the divorce rate in America is close to 60 percent.

Which one of my friends will be getting divorced first? Oh, I know, it’s a cruel game to play, which is exactly why you should play along. And you know what, really rub it in your married friends faces by betting in front of them. Here’s some theoretical dialogue: “Jack’s sure got a temper, so my money’s on Jack and Amy getting divorced first. Oh wait, but you two have almost nothing in common, and it’s common knowledge that Dianne is marrying you for your money, so I’ll place my bets on you.”

Depending on your friend, you’ll come to one of two realizations, either A) Getting married hasn’t made my friend lose his sense of humor, or more likely, B) I have a low tolerance for being repeatedly punched in the face.


Anonymous said...

Haha, clever post. I like it.

I always throw the divorce rate in people's faces when they start talking about marriage. What's the point of marriage these days? Might as well just keep dating and avoid the hassle of what will most likely be an inevitable divorce somewhere down the road.

Monogamy is monogamy rings or not.

mm said...

I was talking to my boss the other day about feeling old because it seemed everyone around me is getting married. "That's nothing," he said. "Everyone I know is getting divorced."

inowpronounceyou said...

As someone getting married, I wouldn't punch you...much. ;) When my friends started getting married, I was not only voted most likely to be last, I was voted most likely not to get married. Go figure.

The View from Dupont said...

haha - I like this, of course, I have to say, I don't know that I would like all the talk of divorce flying around... I'm one of those weird Catholics that can't believe in it. Well, not in that I believe it exists, but you know what I mean :-p

Across The River said...

ジェネヴィーヴ: I think that by putting an official seal on a relationship, marriage gives people hope. Of course it's always fun to destroy that hope by quoting divorce rates. ;)
mm: Your boss it probably right, I guess divorce rates amongst friends is a good barometer for how old you are.
inowpronounceyou: Thank you, I appreciate that you would doll out your physical punishment to me lightly.
vfd: Maybe if Catholic clergy could marry, they would understand how important divorce is to people's sanity.