Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Photographs

If these pictures have anything important to say to future generations, it's this: I was here. I existed. I was young, I was happy, and someone cared enough about me in this world to take my picture. Robin Williams-One Hour Photo

I’ve never consciously avoided the camera. I’ve just never made an effort to have my picture taken, or to try to take photos of others. When I was recently asked to submit a digital photo to a charity auction, I browsed through three digital photos that I had. The first one was from college, back when I had scruffy facial hair and was about 15 pounds lighter. The second was a more recent photo, but I was clearly drunk. The third wasn’t a bad photo, but I was wearing a suit and sunglasses, and looked like one of the Agents from the Matrix. I ended up submitting that photo, but not without reservations.

I seem to have a supernatural ability to screw up any photos I appear in. Think you can make it easy and just tell me to smile? Not going to work, because your camera won’t capture a normal smile. Nope, I’ll come across like some grinning lunatic in a Jeffery Dahmer look-alike contest. Does your camera have adjustments to eliminate red-eye? It won’t matter, as my true nature will always shine through and you’ll have to use all your Photoshop prowess to remove the glowing red from my eyes.

What does all this mean? Should I just admit defeat, and forever hide from the camera. No! I refuse to let my poor track record deter me from taking photos. In fact, I’ve finally caught up with the rest of the industrialized world, and purchased a digital camera, which should be arriving this week. This year, I vow to take as many photos as possible, until either my friends wrench the camera from my hands and proceed to beat me senseless with it, or the camera grows tired of trying to take good pictures of me and destroys itself.

7 comments:

Patricia said...

I'm sure some of the photos I took Saturday will turn out. Although, since I'm old fashioned when it comes to film and cameras...we'll have to wait until I finish the roll and get the film developed. :)

Good seeing you this weekend!

Across The River said...

patricia: It was good seeing you too this weekend.

The View from Dupont said...

Woohoo! Welcome to the 90's... or rather... umm...

anyway - congrats, can't wait to see the toy.

mm said...

I'm also photogenically challenged. Here's my secret...set aside a few hours and take hundreds of pictures of yourself. Different poses, smiling and frowning (all looking nonchalant of course). One is bound to turn out ok.
Of course....I don't really do this...I swear. *cough*

Pele said...

So I was browsing through my grandparent's photo album once. There was a picture of a small child that looked like me, a woman, a man that looked like my father and a 50's Chevrolet parked in front of my Grandparent's estate...

I exclaimed, "Hey! That's me! I don't remember the classic BelAir though. That thing looks pristene, why and when was it gotten rid of?"

I quickly learned that that car was disposed of because it rusted out a decade before I was born. The small child was my father, and the man who I assumed was my father was my grandfather...

My parents don't have pics of me as a child. This explains why I put myself between the camera and a bright light source whenever pics are taken. I'm scared of the camera. It might steal my soul. This is also accentuated by the fact that I always look like a complete dork when I know pictures are being taken of me. What I need is someone with a spy cam to take unsuspecting pictures of me.


My name's Pele and I am a non-photogenic.

Across The River said...

vfd: Thanks, as a techhead in so many other ways, it's kind of embarrassing that I don't already have one.
mm: That would be one way to make up for lost time.
pele: Don't worry, after I have your soul I'll always be willing to part with it...for a price.

Pele said...

Nah. Keep it. I'll grow another.