Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Dennis Kucinich is an American Hero (and a player!)

Dennis Kucinich is one sneaky son-of-a-bitch. At some point in the last three years not only did he enter the Presidential race without anyone knowing (or caring for that matter), but he also got married. Now I know what you’re thinking. “So what?” “Good for him” and “So he found someone his age to settle down with.”

NO ma’am! Dennis Kucinich robbed the cradle and married Elizabeth Harper, a HOTIE, 31 years his junior. Let me provide some visual examples in case it hasn’t sunk in yet:

This guy

Got married to this gal

Now I don’t want to seem unfair and harp on the physical differences, as I realize I’m no Fabio, but looks aside, she married one of the most batshit insane politicians in the US. This guy wants to create a Department of Peace for crying out loud. Bombs and bullets would be replaced with care bears and kittens. Save me.

Want to know the craziest part? She seems just like him, and the story of how they met is cheesier than a plate of nachos with extra cheese. I present to you, How Kucinich Found Love.

I encourage you to read the article, as there are some real gems in there. Like how within an hour of meeting Harper, Kucinich called Mimi Kennedy, better known as Darma’s mother on “Darma and Greg,” to tell her that Harper was the one. Oookkk, kind of odd, but maybe this type of thing happens in political/Hollywood circles. I mean, I bet Dick Cheney calls up Charlton Heston every time he shoots someone in the face.

And how can you not love lines like this:

That Sunday, driving out of Santa Fe with her boss, Elizabeth looked down at the ring she had bought in Arizona. For the first time, she noticed how the stone was inlaid in silver.

The design of the silver was two capital Ks, back to back.

Or this:

In the reception area, she saw a visiting nun in white robes. In his inner office sat a shelf bearing an illustration depicting "light consciousness" and a bust of Gandhi. She studied the lean and intense congressman and felt an attraction.

One day when I’m old, insane and running for political office, I only hope that I can meet someone like Harper. Oh, there will be plenty of big-breasted, platinum blond, gold diggers to choose from, but I can already tell you that what I’ll really want is a young, redheaded beauty…with a passion for crazy.


mm said...

Haha your commentary was so amusing. I read the article and I thought it was adorable. It sounds like real love. God, I love that the chick decided to be a healer after reading Out on a Limb. Golden. Just golden. I sincerely hope these two last, though. I'm routing for them.

The View from Dupont said...

TOO funny. Just brilliant.

Brunch Bird said...

"batshit insane" is one of my favorite expressions ever.

Across The River said...

mm: Thanks. I have no doubt that they are in love. I also have no doubt that they are both crazy.
view from dupont: Thanks, I appreciate you pointing the article out to me.
brunch bird: It just rolls of the tongue, doesn't it?

ジェネヴィーヴ said...

I'm going to 2nd brunch bird.

I love crazy old people.

Hey, redheads are crazy too so maybe they're a match made in heaven.

roissy said...

you beat me to the punch.

dennis is a great example of what defines an alpha male. it's not necessarily money, looks, possessions, or jock attitude -- it's having a relationship with a drop dead hottie.

Anonymous said...

Yeah - have a good laff you glib bastards -- and how about he's got a song dedicated to him too -- probably by another looney-toon -- you MUST check it out at:

Rats! Dennis got it all - including the girl - but wait, does he stand a snowball's chance in hell getting into the W(R)hite House - maybe he got his consolation prize early!!! Nice going, Denny!