This is what I ate for dinner tonight.
Yes ladies and gentleman, this is a picture of the rarely seen Salmon in a Pouch. Rarely spotted outside its natural saltwater habitat, salmon occasionally migrates into plastic pouches, which then make their way into the homes of cheap bachelors across the United States.
Oh, by the way, I had the lemon and dill type. And it looked nothing like that picture. Here is what it really looked like.
I’ve never had fish that was quite this hard…and chewy…and tasting nothing like fish. The lemon-dill water mixture that it came in did little to kill the taste.
I know what your thinking.
What the hell is that yellow gunk next to the “fish”?
That would be tartar sauce.
Well wait, isn’t tartar sauce supposed to be white? That must be the lighting in your photo that is making the tartar sauce appear yellow.
Nope, that’s the color of the tartar sauce. Apparently it’d been sitting in my fridge for longer than I thought. I didn’t really notice its mustard like color until after I’d already eaten half of the fish and tartar sauce.
Oh, well good, it wasn’t intentional. Surely after realizing the fish was terrible and that the tartar sauce was rancid you stopp-
Oh SHIT! No you didn’t?!
I even finished my meal off was some leftover pancakes and some low-fat brownies.
Dude, your stomach must feel like a molotov cocktail just went off inside.