Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Fighter

I am the fighter
Anger building up inside me
I throw punches wildly
At any and everything
Haymakers that hit nothing
I am left exhausted
Frustrated
And wondering
Why my punches don't land
Why those that do are
At things that mean nothing
The prize is still out there
The knockout is still to come
Focus and it will be mine
Firm up my stance
Jab carefully
Punch relentlessly 
Hit the targets that matter
Never give up
Because I am the fighter

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I run

I run in the hot night
So much on my mind
But this clears it
My ankles ache
My legs are sore
The night is hot
But I run
I need the comforting shoulder of a friend
But this will do
This will focus me
I will manage
I will run

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fall

Ever since I graduated, summer has not held that same revered place in my heart that it did when I was a kid. When you're a kid summer=no school, so it's the favored of all the seasons. When school is out of the equation and you work a job year round, you begin to rank your seasons based on other factors.

I realized early on in my adult life that I loved the fall. It's a combination of the temperature getting cooler, the leaves changing, football season, and Thanksgiving (which has become my favorite holiday). Normally fall can't get here soon enough. D.C. summers do not agree with me, and I probably loose 10 pounds just in sweat.

This year I have wanted to hold on to summer. Which is weird, because it's been a pretty up and down time for me. I think I've wanted to hold on to it because I don't want time to move forward. In fact I've wanted time to move backward quite a few times. One of my new, pointless fears is of getting older and not having anything to show for it. The fact that an entire season has passed so quickly scares me, and makes me worry that before I know it next summer will be here in a blink of an eye and I'll be wondering what happened to it.

I also think that despite of myself, that I've really enjoyed this summer. Technically beginning in the spring, I've gone on a number of trips, both short and long. I've discovered things about myself. While feeling like I was living a life-in-limbo, I somehow managed to do a bunch of fun things. And I don't really know what the fall holds.

I walked outside yesterday. I was greeted by a cool breeze and a fresh smell. Ahh, it feels like fall I thought. And most of my fears evaporated. I don't know what the fall holds. I don't have a clue what I'm doing sometimes. But all I can continue doing is trying to live life and improve myself. If I think about the big picture I'll get overwhelmed, but if I focus on the little moments of life and try to enjoy those I think I'll be ok.

I'll enjoy it like years past. I'll take it one day at a time. I'll live fall.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I just hung up the phone.

I just hung up the phone.

I had called my friend to see how he and his pregnant wife were doing. He surprised me by telling me that they were actually inducing tomorrow and that the baby would likely be born Friday.

As we ended the call, a realization dawned on me.

Next time I speak with you, you'll be a father I told him.

Yeah, he said with a mixture of happiness and apprehension.

He's the first of my friends to have a child.

This day seemed so far off when he told me 9 months ago. I still can't believe that most of my friends are married. Their weddings seem like just yesterday. And now they're having kids.

I just hung up the phone and I realize how quickly life moves.

I'm so happy for him. Yet I'm scared too. (An odd emotion considering I'm not the one having the kid.) Life moves too quickly. I have to figure out how to enjoy the stages before they disappear. Before my friends move on.

I know I will. Good friends don't ditch you when they get married. They don't forget about you when they have kids. Things just change. And I think I'm getting used to that.

I just hung up the phone and I'm just happy to have friends who's joys I can share in.