Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fall

Ever since I graduated, summer has not held that same revered place in my heart that it did when I was a kid. When you're a kid summer=no school, so it's the favored of all the seasons. When school is out of the equation and you work a job year round, you begin to rank your seasons based on other factors.

I realized early on in my adult life that I loved the fall. It's a combination of the temperature getting cooler, the leaves changing, football season, and Thanksgiving (which has become my favorite holiday). Normally fall can't get here soon enough. D.C. summers do not agree with me, and I probably loose 10 pounds just in sweat.

This year I have wanted to hold on to summer. Which is weird, because it's been a pretty up and down time for me. I think I've wanted to hold on to it because I don't want time to move forward. In fact I've wanted time to move backward quite a few times. One of my new, pointless fears is of getting older and not having anything to show for it. The fact that an entire season has passed so quickly scares me, and makes me worry that before I know it next summer will be here in a blink of an eye and I'll be wondering what happened to it.

I also think that despite of myself, that I've really enjoyed this summer. Technically beginning in the spring, I've gone on a number of trips, both short and long. I've discovered things about myself. While feeling like I was living a life-in-limbo, I somehow managed to do a bunch of fun things. And I don't really know what the fall holds.

I walked outside yesterday. I was greeted by a cool breeze and a fresh smell. Ahh, it feels like fall I thought. And most of my fears evaporated. I don't know what the fall holds. I don't have a clue what I'm doing sometimes. But all I can continue doing is trying to live life and improve myself. If I think about the big picture I'll get overwhelmed, but if I focus on the little moments of life and try to enjoy those I think I'll be ok.

I'll enjoy it like years past. I'll take it one day at a time. I'll live fall.

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